All Things Condensed

Listen, every year we have to go through the same ol’ bullshit; Clowns dressing from head-to-toe in green, asshats talking with fake Irish accents and people claiming to be Irish.  And, on top of all that, everyone is piss drunk.   Sounds like a great time, right?

How excited do people get to overpay for cheap Natty Ice as long as it’s colored green?    That’s a killer marketing idea.  Cheap as shit, taste like shit, but sells for 4 bucks a pint.  BRILLIANT.   The crappy tasting moose-piss-beer wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to listen to every hillbilly fuck tell me they’re actually Irish.  NO YOU’RE NOT.   You could be inbred.  But you’re not Irish.  Get over it.

The dressing completely in green isn’t all bad (for me).  At least I can see the morons from a distance and know to stay away from them while at the bar.   And so fucking help me, if I get pinched because I’m not wearing green, I’m going to knee some nuts.

Who would have thought that a holiday based around getting drunk could be so annoying?  I guess even the Holidays suck in the ol’ Country.

Let’s be honest. You all want to feel important. Like you matter in this world. Well you don’t. But at least we can pretend like someone wants to hear the dribble that is coming out of our mouths and any random moment. That idea has spawned a huge brain child called Twitter.

This form of micro blogging gives assholes the world over the chance to speak and to see exactly what you want to say (in 140 characters or less). Twitter allows you to add friends (like myspace and facebook) so you can see what your equally stupid friends are thinking at that moment.  It’s perfect of the egomaniac in all of us.  But guess what, no one really fucking cares. No one.  Do I tweet (how retarded does that sound…)?   Yes. Will I stop? Doubtful. But at least I’m honest with myself about it’s usefulness.

Now on the other hand there is a site called, Tumblr.  This site is a simpleton blog.  Where you can post a single picture, a single audio file, a single video, text, quotes, etc. It allows for your creative juices to flow.  Or be an artsy fartsy fa… Or be a showoff. While Tumblr is worlds better (in my opinion) than the fucking useless Twitter, it has way less users than Twitter.

Let me put it in layman’s terms for you dummies.

Twitter is for the people that want to tell me they’re going to take a shit.

Tumblr is for the people that will post a picture of the aftermath.